I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
this just has baby written all over it
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
