i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
