She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
