found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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