i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
