it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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