You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
