so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
