On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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