do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
