Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
