Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
