The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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