I murdered the dance floor call the cops
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
