I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize