dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
