Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize