9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
