just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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