I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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