I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
