HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
