i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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