I hate your face
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
