I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
