dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
