omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
