I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
