just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
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