So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
