oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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