I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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