just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
