Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
