Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
