I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
