***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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