Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
