this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
