He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Randomize
