his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
