i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
