I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
