He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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