she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
