I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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