Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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