Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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