From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
