The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
