i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
