I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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