You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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