You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
