Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
