Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
lets start a swedish sibling band together
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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