I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
