i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
