i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
