He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
