U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
love makes seman taste better
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
