I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
