then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
