i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
