I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
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