i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize