people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
