Soap is not a condiment
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize