I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
