i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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