is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
