that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
