PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
