You just made me feel so damn special
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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