My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
