i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
