i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
