how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
