I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
