it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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