At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I need water and some morals
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