Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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