as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
