yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
