So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
