Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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