You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
