he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
