Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
