how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
