The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
