yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
