I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize