3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
