I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
