apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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