Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
