3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
