I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
